Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Best Myths & Legends: Popobawa!

POPOBAWA One rendering of the beast in question.

The following is a true, documented piece of modern lore: Repeat: We are not making this up:

Creature: The Popobawa/Popo Bawa
Hails from: Africa, more specifically terrorizing Tanzania with a particular focus on the island of Pemba and the country of Zanzibar.

From what I gather, the Popobawa is a big man with bat-like features like wings and he is built like a demonic John Holmes in the crotchial region---meaning he is reputed to have a gigantic penis. The Popobawa is an incubus-a male sex demon, that is. Not just any sex either. What he does with said large penis is to sodomize men. Apparently, Popobawa is like a batty character from HBO's prison series, Oz. He just roams around the island making unsuspecting villagers his bizzitch. This dude is one bad mamma jamma. Some say that he is an ogre, some say he is a ghost. Some say that Popobawa is a shape-shifter, walking around as a normal man during the day and transforming into the big-penised, bat-like, corn-holing monster at night. Some half-assed historians say that a witch doctor conjured and released his slave genie on his neighbors for a major smackdown, then just sort of lost control of him and now he just smacks down everybody he feels like smacking down. Oh, please note the picture above-he's a cyclops...get it?...symbolism...fear of the penis. The likely reason behind this big bum-humping story? Politics! Duh! The basic theory behind this from the modern world is that the Popobawa is a political tool, used to get politicians elected by superstitious voters. ''Don't worry, my countrymen! I Will protect your asses from demon sodomy!'' says the region's elected officials.

Special note: Popobawa is far scarier and more badass than certain other modern mythical creatures, namely the tiny-penised Chupacabra who doesn't even have the badassitude to anally rape his victims. What a sissy old Chupes is.

*Remember: John Holmes and Popo Bawa have the world's biggest, most gigantic penises.

Links to verify that I ain't makin' it up:

1. Investigative Files: The Skeptic-Raping Demon Of Zanzibar
2. Sex-Mad ''Ghost'' scares Zanzibaris
3. Terror, tourism and odd beliefs
4. Popobawa on Wikipedia
5. Popobawa's Mahalo page

1 comment:

L. Venkata Subramaniam said...

The closest I have been to Zanzibar is about 2000 kms away.

So this bad dude is a creation of politicians. Wow thats one twisted mama jamma. So if we date this creature, he should go back to a few years, since I think politics took birth in the 20th century AC?