LTE Fan Mail: Vivica A. Fox Sex Tape Real or Fake?: By Matt

LTE Fan Mail: Vivica A. Fox Sex Tape Real or Fake?: By Matt

Hi all. This is Matt-editor, contributor, moderator and emperor of LTE. Welcome to our first fan mail post of LTE. This is where I'll be printing our fan mail out and attempting to answer each item within the post. Of course, the reason is because we get each of these questions or comments so much that it would save us all time and trouble if I answered them just once, in this post. Here is some of our fan mail and we would add, thanks for taking the time to you special, special people.

''...And, another thing. Why don't you ever write anything funny?''

~ Jan in Texas, USA.

''Hey guys. yall R funny bout things like farts and wiener jokes. I like that I guess.''

~ Mike in San Francisco, California, USA

''I like to roll a dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!''

~ Anonymous

''Obarma's a terrorist! Stop making fun of McCain with that fake butt plug ad! BITCHES!''

~Faith in Chuckwold, MO, USA

''I want more videos fro you tube and stuff. I don't like reading much. Thanks''

~ Jimbone in America

''Yo, did you see that sex tap with Vivica A. Fox going down on that guy? Why don't you do something about that? That tape was way too short!''

~John, Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

''You guys suck a (censored) and (censored) in the (censored) while you (censored) your own dogs!''

~ Sally in Wisconsin, USA

''Can you do a post about the kinda farts that smell like turkey after thanksgiving? That would be pretty funny.''

~ Roveywade, New York, New York, USA

''Whats the name of that one that you did?''

~ Jeff

''Dear LTE,

I want to thank you for this opportunity to voice my opinion. I worked in the dairy industry for well nigh thirty years. We have never and will never do that to the milk or the cows. You are liberal propagandists and elitist mudslingers and God will have his vengeance in this life or the next. You are going to be raped by the scepter of Jesus for your diseased, wickedness. I hope you get your unholy testicles stomped on by an angel's foot, you no-good so and sos. Stop your wickedness before the rapture.

Sincerely yours,

Bev from Fundyland, Montana, USA''

~ Bev in Fundyland, Montana, USA

Thanks to everyone for writing and giving permission to print your well-chosen words on our humble little site.

To Jan:

Because, Jan. If we start writing funny things now, you'll start expecting it. This will create much unneeded pressure on our staff.

To Mike:

Mike, thanks for the compliment. If we try to do anything it's make wiener and fart jokes more common.

To Anonymous:

We do not legally encourage nor morally discourage your dooby rolling. Thank you for your commitment to activism, though.

To Faith:

I do not know of an Obarma but I'll be happy to look into that for the purposes of national security. The fact that we advertise McCain butt plugs is really just a weird campaign-time coincidence. The company is not owned by Senator John Mehoff McCain, to our knowledge.

To Jimbone:

Jimmy, we'll certainly try to get more videos from youtube Fanatic on here, so you don't have to read stuff. The problem is that he's very busy hanging out with Anonymous and doing...other stuff.

To John:

Yes, I saw that sex tape for free over at Wikisextape.com and it was unGodly short but that was actually a fake. It was not Vivica A. Fox. She was good though and she should be applauded. I just can't think of anything funny about it, however. Thanks for the request. Sorry we cannot fulfill it.

To Sally:

I can assure you that none of us have ever done that with a dog unless you mean dog as a slang term for an ugly human. In which case, we've all done that and most of us have done that together in groups. We swing.

To Rovey:

I've never had the good fortune of doing that but I suppose around Thanksgiving, we could do a little something about it.

To Jeff:

It was called 'The Hidden Dangers of ADD' and we're glad you were thinking about it.

Lastly, To Bev: Sorry about the sinning. My father was Catholic and Stream of Consciousness Eddie's whole family was also. As for the rest of us, there's no excuse. They're just weak.

This edition of LTE Fan Mail has been brought to you by: McCain's Maverick Butt Plugs. Butt Plugs that stay the course, never pull out and drill for oil when prompted. That's McCain's Maverick Butt Plugs: The most Mavericky Butt Plugs brought to you legally, since 1843.