Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Who won the 2008 elections?: By Stream of Consciousness Eddie

Yes, I can. . . I'm a maverick, too.

Who won the 2008 elections?: By Stream of Consciousness Eddie

Everyone will be asking who won the 2008 elections, soon. I say, either way, I will still be masturbating to Sarah Palin for at least the next four years. Now, I know some people will have a problem with that. Feminists mostly, thinking that I am sexually objectifying her because of her womanhood. Really? Well, maybe you'll be surprised to know that I will also be equally masturbating to Joe Biden for the next four years, win, lose or draw. Ha! How do you like that? Think I'm not down with feminism? Well, what the Hell do you know?

It should be mentioned that I'll only be masturbating to Joe Biden to be equal. I won't enjoy it at all. I probably won't be able to climax without thinking of him WITH a partner. That's where my Masturbation Fantasy Supplemental Plan strategy comes in. When I watch porn, it's usually man on woman. So, nothing new. You know. Basically, my strategy, even though I can rarely stick to a masturbation fantasy strategy because of my ADD, is to picture Biden having sex with Palin. See, that way it's equal time. Equal sexual objectification. Well, not objectification. Sexual non-discrimination. See? Now, I'm not saying my Masturbation Fantasy Supplemental plan (MFSP) won't ever need to be reformed.

I don't want it to be divisive or what have you. It may need tweaked. There may be external male climax. I might get there and feel like internal male climax is best and external climax is sexist. I don't know. We'll have to see. Run the numbers. Crunch them. Consult the experts. Create a panel of advisory personnel, perhaps. Biden may be on top, Palin may be on top. They may both be in a seated position. There may be slides, trampolines and Velcro. I guarantee that to the best of my ability, nobody will have the upper hand. Palin may wear a strap-on. Again, it won't be anti-feminist. She could be doing the penetrating. How feminist is that? Pretty damn, would be the answer, there. Pretty...Damn.

There will be foreplay. Biden will not objectify Sarah's upper chestial area. Sarah will not squeeze Biden's scrotum in a militant way, either. There may be cupping. Sure, cupping, light rubbing but no squeezing which would give her the upper hand. I couldn't be impartial if there were squeezing. Just the same, Sarah's chest will not be squeezed but only subjected to rubbing and cupping like Biden's testes. Perhaps slight smooshing. No, no, smooshing would be wrong. That would be sexist. I wouldn't have her smooshing Biden's testes, so Biden can't be smooshing her anywhere either. I see that now. The point is, that no matter who wins, I am devoted to these Vice Presidential candidates being masturbated to without bigotry or prejudice towards either. That's my pledge to you, the American people. I'm Stream-of-Consiousness Eddie and I approve this masturbatory message.

This message is paid for by the female committee to get Eddie to masturbate with more frequency and fairness (FCTGETMWMFAF)

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