Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Chain Letters: Are They Real?

Certain members of LTE have been getting a freakish combination of chain letters and SPAM from ''foreign investors'' and such. We won't say who, but an anonymous member(s) of LTE started a chain letter just to prove that people are morons and will believe and send anything. We don't know if it will work. I personally feel that the human race would not propagate such tomfoolery. At any rate, this is what a certain member or members of LTE came up with:

With such enthusiastic and wise benefactors of Boahbo's holy word as spirited singer Kylie Minogue, film maker Werner Herzog and respected news anchor Gretchen Carlson we cannot fail:

Dear faithful or future servant,

This email contains the sacred written word of Boahbo = God. In 1993 it was placed in circulation by Aulburd Hukbart as a symbol of his sacred faith. You must send it to 8 people or suffer Boahbo's wrath. If you do not believe in Boahbo it is of no consequence to him only to yourselves. If you do not choose to spread the sacred word, it will come back to haunt you as it did Aaron Proiyeur of the French embassy in Toulon. As CNN documented in late 1997, he was given this email containing the Akluh En ta han or loosely translated ''Signature of faithful servitude'' and chose only to ignore it like so many other savages. As it was well documented, the very day that he deleted Boahbo's sacred words, he suffered from a ''mysterious heart defect'' which was not earlier detected and caused his death. Surely, only a savage could dismiss this.

If this were not enough, Andrea Sameson of Fairsley, Indiana received this email and was converted from her protestant Christian background with the touch of Boahbo's grace and purity. Trying to share his holy words as more in the western world do than you may imagine, she sent Akluh En ta han to her ailing mother to help her. Her mother, angered by what a savage would call blasphemy, deleted the message and called her daughter upset that she'd turned away from their family faith. Andrea and her mother bitterly argued over the phone for half an hour. Her mother would not accept the true holy words.

Within one week's time while driving to the local park, her nose began to bleed. The bleeding was uncontrollable and her sister said that she was dead within twenty minutes. Doctors blamed scar tissue from a surgery she'd had on a deviated septum more than fifteen years earlier. But we know that this cannot be. We know that Boahbo was not well pleased. Please pass the following words of Boahbo to 8 people or more and keep them to treasure and draw strength from. The more people you send it to, the more Boahbo's grace and purity shall touch your life.

I myself was living in crippling poverty on the streets of Toulon when I received the message and have made it my life's work to pass the message on to others ignorant of such power. Since doing this, I have become wealthy in riches and spirit. I have married a beautiful woman from Loire and we have seven children and many friends. I have my own business in electronics distribution and each day hold my left hand up to the holy word for five minutes and tell all that I can about it, helping the modern prophet Aulburd Hukbart spread the word of the fair Boahbo even while I sleep as I know my electronic messages travel the world as do his.

The word cannot be directly translated as per the faith but keeping it near is all that matters. If you can speak it in the original Toulane you would appreciate it all the more but it is not required.

Signed with peace and love, Boahbo's grace and purity to all,

Tinsdale Mijjarrifit

The sacred word:

''Akluh En ta han''/В мой последний день С Моей Обезьяной: Потоком Сознания Эдди От Ленивого Третьего поста Глаза:
Я надевал мое белое пальто лаборатории и таращу глаза и шел в комнату с клипбордом и крепкой ручкой. Я сел поперек стола от обезьяны, кто смотрел на меня солнечными, шутливыми глазами и pursed губами. Он еще не бросал вызов моей власти, и ясно, что я прохожу к нему. Я сажусь и говорю, что "Вы можете начать, Baldo." Его зовут Baldo, между прочим. Он решает поразить зеленую кнопку сначала.

The last part is a piece of one of Stream of Consciousness Eddie's posts translated into Russian with a free online translator. The names of the people involved are made up as well as the name Boahbo. Don't be so superstitious! However, if you know superstitious people who must send this letter, you might want to send them this, I'm sure it'll be worth a laugh. Maybe it will circulate around the globe many times and we'll be featured on snopes. Either way, I thought I'd share.

Sincerely with purity and grace,
Matt-moderator, editor and occasional contributor at LTE.

No comments: