Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Jake The Flake's Top Ten List Of Tiny 'Damn It' Moments: By Jake The Flake

Jake The Flake's Top Ten List Of Tiny 'Damn It' Moments: By Jake The Flake

What is a *tiny* 'damn it' moment? It's the kind where it won't piss you off for more than two seconds but it's just bad enough for you to mumble ''Damn it!'' under your breath in a whisper before you immediately forget about it and move on. These are my top ten right now:

1. When it's too dim for you and you go to turn the light on and realize the light's already on and it's still too dim for you! Damn it!

2. When you call someone you want to talk to and someone you don't want to talk to answers the phone. Granted, they don't want to talk to you either but when they answer it's just inconvenient enough for you to think 'Damn it!' before asking this lousy bum if the person you really want to talk to is available.

3. When you feel something that you think is a bug and it's just a hair that you KNOW will fool you again later.

4. When you think you're done defecating and just when you go to wipe, you realize you're not done. You have things to do! Let's get this shit over with! Literally!

5. When you're in the shower and the bar of soap starts falling apart and damn it, can't a person just wash their crotch without these kinds of obstacles, damn it?!!!.

6. When you're almost asleep and you know you have to pee or there will be consequences.

7. When you wake up from a sound sleep because your bladder is full and you're uncomfortable and there's a split second of annoyance before you contemplate getting up and say 'Damn it' just before losing consciousness again.

8. When you patiently wait for your morning coffee to be done and when you go out to get it, you realize you never turned the damn thing on, damn it!

9. When you patiently wait for your morning toast even though you think you've perfectly timed it to coincide with the preferred doneness of your eggs and you notice the toaster isn't plugged in and you only have yourself to blame, damn ya!

10. When you fast forward or rewind something on TV by just a vajingo hair too much and your nonstop stream of amusement is ever so slightly halted for a second, horrifyingly leaving your entertainment addicted brain in a frenzy of your own reality before Deal or No Deal is back where you want it and you can breathe again. Shwoo! For a second there you couldn't tune out that ugly, peeling wallpaper on the wall behind your TV set and that kid yelling in the background trying to get the family dog to sit still while he draws on his fur with permanent marker! Gees, that was a close one! Who wants to pay attention to that crap!

1 comment:

YogaforCynics said...

Isn't it worse when you think you're done defecating and then fully pull up, zip up, leave the bathroom and then feel it...oh, never mind.